fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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