I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
