If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize