Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
