So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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