Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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