I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
