He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
