Ambien. No doubt about it.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize