Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
