we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize