I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i out mim tonsoeep
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