Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
