My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
