i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Everything about him screamed your future.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
