I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
