I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
