drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
