I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
