I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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