just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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