Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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