Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
