That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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