remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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