i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
