Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And then the night went full on bisexual.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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