Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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