I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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