But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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