cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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