he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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