hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize