checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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