D3 body, D1 cock
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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