i can't believe i had my finger in that
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
