I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
