i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
