No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
