I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
