he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
