so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
