eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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