im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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