I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
