So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
