dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
