Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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