I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You took a bar mat shot.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
