You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I supernannyed him into submission
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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