I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
