Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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