UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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