i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
