His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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