I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
