you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
