a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
