Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
