I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
