Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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