Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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