3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
