You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
