Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
