I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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