dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
