i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
