YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
birth control should be required to get into college
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
