I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
