So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
