hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
