I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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