Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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