suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
