The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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