Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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