i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
