"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize