that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
