literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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