Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize