i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
