i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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