Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
