Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
