i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
