none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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