Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
They have beer where we have blood.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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