we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
