and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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