i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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