Yo dont text me then not text me
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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