I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
