You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
